Our last teaching series was called Mutants vs. The World series, where we taught our students about the lies that the world believes, and how we Christians are to live differently, even if that means we look like Mutants to them.  Each week we presented the students with a lie that the world believes, the truth they must follow, and what to do when confronted with these lies when they go back to school.

            One particular message was about the truth of beauty.  While some of the Jr. High staff were talking about the message and the cycle that the media plays into our students’ beliefs about beauty, we figured this might be a really good tool for parents to be able to use when discussing the media and the views it pushes on our teenagers. 

            (SIDENOTE: You might want to check out Jon McKee’s latest article about the MTV Video Music Awards—the VMA’s.  You’ll get a very clear picture of what media is teaching a lot of our teenagers.  Click here!)

We have found that there is an actual pattern that is put in place, a cycle that our students naturally fall into.  The pattern as you’ll see is very obvious.  And it is sad that it actually has to be spelled out for us.  But you’ll realize that even though this may not be something new, it really does help us understand what our teens are going through, and how we can not just shelter them from lies, but help them recognize lies when they are presented.

The following is the cycle of media’s effect on our teens (we’ll call our student “Bruce”):

STEP ONE: BRUCE IS INTRODUCED TO MEDIA BY ANOTHER STUDENT.

            Bruce goes to school and in some way hears about media—and here’s the kicker—by a student who has an obscured view of beauty.  It could be a student saying, “Hey, I just saw Transformers, and that Megan Fox is hot!”  It could be a girl who says, “I want to have my hair styled just like Miley Cyrus!”  From the locker rooms to the ride home on the bus, students are sharing their views based on what they’ve learned from the media.  And now Bruce knows where to learn what others students have already learned.

STEP TWO: BRUCE INVESTIGATES THE MEDIA HIMSELF.

Bruce will go home and watch the music video his friends are talking about.  Or he’ll download the music.  Or he’ll go to the theatre and watch the movie.  Or he’ll TiVo the talked-about TV show.  Or he’ll hear about how Jack Black led the audience in a prayer to Satan at the MTV Music Awards and he’ll want to watch it on YouTube.  Either way, Bruce is going to introduce himself to the media.  It may be because he’s curious.  It may be because he wants to fit in, and everyone else is talking about the show.  Bottom line, Bruce takes what he hears at school and investigates it himself.  And what does the media teach him?  It teaches him to have an obscured view of what beauty is.  He learns about true beauty from celebrities and sex icons.  This is his new education.

STEP THREE: BRUCE INTERNALIZES MEDIA’S MESSAGES ABOUT BEAUTY.

            Bruce thinks about the images he’s seen.  He thinks about how the women and girls have appeared in the music videos, movies, TV shows, etc. that he’s watched.  He starts comparing himself with Jacob and Edward from the Twilight series.  He remembers how guys in those mediums treated the girls.  And he begins to subconsciously think that this is what is normal.  After all, this is how students dress, behave, talk at school…  He starts to believe the lies that say beauty is purely sexual and physical. 

STEP FOUR: BRUCE BECOMES A BELIEVER AND PARTICIPANT IN A LIFESTYLE THAT DISPLAYS THE WORLD’S VIEW OF BEAUTY.

            That’s right, Bruce’s identity literally changes.  He now thinks that quality girls dress more sexually and have a specific body mass index.  He matches his goals and visions for relationships to those of the characters and artists he’s invited into his life.  And why wouldn’t he?  The problem is that he has had two main teachers in his life: secular media, and students affected by secular media.  Bruce begins to talk about girls in a way that mimics what he’s heard in music lyrics or what he’s seen in the latest blockbuster flick.  Bruce may start out joking around—knowing full well that what he’s saying is a little risqué—but nevertheless Bruce ends up resembling those students who have an obscured view of beauty. 

STEP FIVE: BRUCE INTRODUCES ANOTHER STUDENT TO MEDIA.

            The cycle is now complete.  Bruce has now gone from naïve to teacher, from outsider to convert.  Bruce now has become just like any other student who has subjected themselves to media and taken on media’s false teachings of beauty and sexuality.  The cycle now begins again, but now Bruce is the educator.  And this next student will soon look up what he learns from Bruce, and end up becoming a proponent of false beauty. 

This cycle is a pretty powerful entity.  I can’t honestly say that a panel of leaders in Hollywood sat down one day and planned out this scheme, but the cycle is here nonetheless, and we’ve all seen it.  We send Bruce to the public school.  He comes home and all of a sudden wants an iPod and is checking interesting things out on the internet.  It doesn’t take long before we begin asking ourselves, “What happened to Bruce?” 

            Of course, the cycle isn’t always as obvious as this.  Some might look at the Twilight series and think, “Well there isn’t any sex in the story [at least in the first book], so it’s not all that bad.”  But after awhile, if we aren’t careful as the mentors and coaches in our kids’ lives, we begin to wonder how our kids “ended up like this.” 

            So where is the lie?  Where is the danger?  How do we protect our teens this year?  I can’t really see ourselves just taking all of our kids out of school for fear they’ll be converted.  What do we do? 

            Clearly the answer lies in our kids’ interaction with the media.  We will never be able to shelter our students from media completely.  Of course, that doesn’t mean that we should throw our arms up in surrender and allow them to download and view every piece of pop culture that they want.  There has to be a balance.  But here is what I would really suggest when it comes to protecting your kid and, possibly even more important, to helping them to guard themselves:

Neither shelter nor surrender.  Instead, mediate and coach.

            My friend Jonathan McKee, who runs the number one youth ministry website on the internet, will actually pause a movie right after a scene that is questionable and talk about it with his kids.  I remember specifically him telling me about watching Stranger than Fiction, starring Will Farrell.  It’s actually a great movie, except that there is a scene where Will Farrell’s character is “invited upstairs,” as if it’s just the normal thing.  My friend Jonathan stopped the movie right there and discussed with his kids this idea that it’s “normal” to expect sex when you’re dating someone, and whether or not the idea is actually right. 

            In my opinion, this is brilliant parenting.  Jonathan knows that he can’t shelter his kids.  Instead, he mediates and coaches.  He looks for opportunities to counteract desensitizing with re-sensitizing.  He points out the lies and teaches his kids to do the same.

            Here are a few quick tips you can follow to help your coach and mediate:

1. Listen to your child’s music.  I am amazed at how many parents have no clue about what their kid is listening to on a regular basis.  Check out your kid’s iPod.  The iPod will have a “recently played” list, and it might be a good idea to check it out.  You can go on iTunes and watch the music video for those songs, or even Google the lyrics of those song titles, so you can truly see what it is your child is plugging into.  It would be interesting to see the look on some of our students’ faces when they realize we know more than they do about what these songs are actually saying.  Heck, iTunes will even give you descriptions of what each song is about and why it was written.
2. Stay current with the youth culture.  Jonathan’s “Youth Culture Window” (click here and check out the magnifying glass on the right side of the screen) provides weekly articles about what students are seeing, hearing, and talking about.  There are a few more in the web, but I have yet to find a more current and consistent source.  Jonathan also provides great advice.
3. Talk to your child about what they’re watching.  Enter into dialogue.  Ask your child what artist he/she likes, and then check them out on the web.  It’s amazing how much we can learn from our students if we ask them to teach us.  Find out which artists their friends are listening to.  What their favorite song is.   
4. Discuss beauty with your child.  If you have a daughter, tell her that she’s beautiful, and that it has nothing related to her physical appearance.  If you have a son, let him know how proud of him you are and that he is valuable to you because he’s your son.  Teach him to respect girls and to honor them and to protect them.  In other words, teach them the truth.

The whole point is to make sure that we are joining our teenagers in their battle for truth about beauty.  They are getting bombarded with lies every day.  It is important that we bombard them with messages too.  They can’t decipher the lies themselves.  Our teenagers need our help.  Coach and mediate.  Talk with your teenager.  Know what they’re listening to.  Our students need our help.